READ NO FURTHER IF YOU DON’T WANT IT SPOILED!
Title: The Penultimate Peril
Opening Page: "For Beatrice-No one could extinguish my love, or your house."
Back Cover: Dear Reader, If this is the first book you found while searching for a book to read next, then the first thing you should know is that this next-to-last book is what you should put down first. Sadly, this book presents the next-to-last chronicle of the lives of the Baudelaire orphans, and it is next-to-first in its supply of misery, despair, and unpleasantness. Probably the next-to-last things you would like to read about are a harpoon gun, a rooftop sunbathing salon, two mysterious initials, three unidentified triplets, a notorious villain, and an unsavory curry. Next-to-last things are the first thing to be avoided, so allow me to recommend that you put this next-to-last book down first, and find something else to read next-to-last, such as the next-to-last book in another chronicle, or a chronicle containing other next-to-last things, so that this next-to-last book does not become the last book you will read. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket.